What Is Not Said

"A loud voice cannot compete with a clear voice, even if it's a whisper" (B.N. Kaufman).

Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "In the end, we will not remember the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends." I was reminded of that quote the other day upon having a conversation with one of my students who was struggling with the detached silence he was receiving from his friends. He remarked to me that he would rather get into an argument with his friends and have that friendship end abruptly rather than having it all fade away in a malicious blackout. At least then, he would have the dignity of knowing what was going on.

Silence can be used as a powerful weapon in any relationship, from the school yard to the marriage bed. Silence as a weapon is one thing; silence that is simply neglectful, I think, can be much more painful for people to deal with. Early on in life, we learn the whole "sticks and stones" routine to save face when pummelled with words and taunts from our classmates or main street bullies, but who can prepare someone for the silence? How do we reverse the effects that silence has on the child who has never had encouragement, counsel, or affirmation? How does someone recover from the absence of friends and the quiet of family?

From my experience, what people don't say is often much more powerful than what they do.

Just as a small cup of water can do a lot for someone in a drought, words of life change things for those in desolate families and desperate situations. I see the light in my high school student's eyes when they are affirmed and praised, and I seem to get better results with them when they are not ducking from a barrage of criticism and fault-finding. I see a difference in my students on those days that my negativity may cause me to focus on theirs rather than affirm in them what is good, unique, and right about who they are.

Unfortunately, many of us have learned that "if we have nothing good to say, then we shouldn't say anything at all."

So we don't say anything.

Either we don't see the good in people or we don't look for the good in people. I'm not sure which is more acurate, but I am convinced that followers of Christ need to be much more in tuned to people's lives and careful to be a voice of life and hope. Yes, Jesus spoke the harsh word, especially to some of his disciples, but I am confident that he was able to make the difficult withdrawals because of all the healthy investment.

Admittedly, sometimes it is easier to say nothing at all, especially when we don't know what to say. While that might be convenient for us, it is probably not beneficial for those in our lives who need a hopeful voice. I suppose it would be good to ask God to transform our eyes to see what he sees and feel what he feels towards them. I am almost certain that is a prayer he would answer.

B.F. Kaufman said, "A loud voice cannot compete with a clear voice, even if it is a whisper." Even if our words are few, words of life can compete with -- even pierce through-- the onslaught of negativity or mute the deafening silence of neglect.

Even if your words are few, let there be words.