Pondering Self

There's a delightful little phrase my mother used to repeat to me as a child whenever I was selfish and wanted both sides of the popsicle. I'm sure you've heard it: Jesus first. Others second. Yourself last. This, of course, spelled out the acronym JOY and was apparently the secret to a happy life. I had no problem with the idea of Jesus being first in my life, and I am pretty certain that if he had wanted half of the popsicle, I would have gladly given it to him. It was the next part of the ranking that disturbed me. Apparently all of humanity came second, and there I was at the bottom of the heap. Both my mother and Sunday School teachers conspired to indocrinate me with this belief so that I would forever willingly give up the other half of my popsicle. And it worked. If I want the whole popsicle, I eat it in secret.

This idea that we must put others first is a hard pill to swallow in a culture that values individuality and personal achievement. What we think of ourselves and the value we place on ourselves can either put us in competition with the world or in competition with Christ. I'd like to think that my desires for my own life doesn't have to mean that I become self-absorbed, self-centered, self-indulgent, self-interested, self-seeking, or self-serving. Further, I'm not so sure that loving myself automatically means that I will become a thoughtless, heartless, uncaring, ungenerous, unsympathetic, wordly pagan.

Jesus did, after all, tell us that we should "love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind, and strength" and "love our neighbor as we love ourselves" (paraphrased, Matthew 22:37-39). That "as we love ourselves" part is interesting to me. I've heard some teachers suggest that we cannot love others until we love ourselves. Although it is true that many people who hate themselves find difficulty in loving others, I don't believe that love is something we muster up from within ourselves. "..love comes from God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God" (1 John 4:7). Our love isn't born in us; it's from God.

I think it's the light of these scriptures (and many, many others) that put self into perspective. Although Jesus uses language like "deny yourself" (Luke 9:23), he certainly isn't calling for any sort of self-hatred or self-abasement, because that would contradict his good news of the Father's love for all humanity. I think we need to have a healthy love for self, the kind that loves ourselves as a part of the Father's love for humanity -- not beneath it, and certainly not above it. Self-hatred is just as much an injustice as hatred toward another.

"Love is not self-seeking" (1 Corinthians 13), and it certainly is not self-hating. Jesus does challenge our selfishness, he criticizes our consumerism, he confronts our self-obsession, and he objects to our greed. But he also heals our self-esteem and brings our broken image into alignment with his perfect one.

I'd like to think that the Spirit of Christ can help to rise us above our barbarism and survival of the fittest mentality into a lifestyle that is generous, open, loving, and merciful. I'd like to think that the more we love and give, the fuller our life will become. I'd like to think that churches and Christians could rise above collective self-absorbtion to bring hope and healing to broken people.

"If I am only for me, then what am I?" It's a great question. I promise you this, if we are only for ourselves, then we will never truly find the contentment, purpose, and joy of life that we've spent (or wasted) our lives looking for. "It is worthless to have the whole world if you lose your soul" (paraphrased, Matthew 16:26).