Up

Up. It's where we're looking.

It's been a long several months since we made the decision to return to the States from our beloved Ireland. We have felt for a very long time a sense of "beyond our control" hanging over our heads. The fall of the US dollar has been "beyond our control". The amount of mission support we received in Ireland was "beyond our control". The rising cost of living has been "beyond our control". The current non-event of the sale of our home in Ireland is "beyond our control". Our joblessness has been "beyond our control".

The bright ones among you will notice how much of this "beyond our control" pressure has come from all things financial. This also gives you considerable insight into one of the areas of greatest insecurity in my life. There are a lot of things I can control, but the fear of not having enough...well, it controls me. Few things shake me more than financial insecurity. The same could be said for many of us.

I offer this confession, not for your counsel or criticism -- although some are predisposed to do so anyhow -- but simply as a testimony to one man's fear and weakness being continually met by the abundant provision of God's grace. Leaving Ireland was difficult on many levels -- the grief of leaving friends, the stress of moving internationally, and moving from the culture we love. But, the gritty, sloppy exhibition of my humanity has been most openly displayed with the unveiling of this fiscal insecurity.

So, I will confess of the Father's merciful provision, I will trust Him rather than myself, I will admit that not an ounce of personal security comes from money anyhow, and I will repent of the irrational fears that have consumed me. Knowing me, I'll probably repeat the process quite a few times.

Things are looking up. We have potential jobs, and we put down a deposit on a rental house on Cherry Street in Denver, Colorado just this week. The financial fears can loom large, but we are making decisions to move forward despite them and are once again beginning to dream about our lives and the journey of life and faith ahead.

So there you have it...confession complete.

"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods" (Psalm 40:2-4).