The Gnat and the Bull

Not bothered.

I picked up a copy of Aesop's Fables at a bookstore recently in an attempt to read some of the classics I may have missed out on along the way. About midway through the book, I came across a delightful little fable called "The Gnat and the Bull". Here's how it goes:

"A gnat landed on one of the horns of a bull, and remained sitting there for a considerable time. When it had rested sufficiently and was about to fly away, it said to the bull, 'Do you mind if I go now?' The bull merely raised his eyes and remarked, without interest, 'It's all one to me. I didn't notice when you came, and I shan't know it when you go away.'"

"We may often be of more consequence in our own eyes than in the eyes of our neighbors."

It may be a bit unsettling for us to hear it, but I wonder how many of our neighbors really know we're there? Our church buildings take up prime real estate in most towns and cities, but I often wonder if we, the Church, are noticeable at all. Does anybody know we exist? Is our presence in this society of any consequence...any positive consequence?

Sure, our voices get heard when we get hot and bothered, but how many of our neighbors hear words of life from our mouths or experience the touch of mercy from our hands or experience blessing from the presence of our lives?

I continue to be overwhelmed and amazed at the needs of the population of students I serve. Their level of poverty, sexual activity, drug and alcohol abuse, and general chaos of life frankly breaks my heart and leaves me feeling a bit helpless in the face of it all. With so much of this around me, how can I justify not engaging the community in which I live and work? The temptation can be there to insulate ourselves from it all, but I hardly see the face of Jesus in that approach.

I don't think we should live with an intollerable indifference in the face of so much. If we follow Christ, then we must accept that our neighbors and communities are a gift to us to love and serve. We cannot withdraw from the people Christ longs to engage. Even if we are overwhelmed at all that is around us, it benefits no one for us to stick our heads in the sand and pretend it doesn't exist. They don't benefit. Neither do we.

Of no consequence.

Sheep and goats.

Our sense of self-importance tends to blind us of what (and who) is really most important. We work hard to align our hymnals in our pews and make our music perfect to the glory of God...and our neighbor doesn't even know we are there. Sure, some in our communities would love to see the church disappear altogether, but I can't help but imagine there are a great many others that would love to see the Church living, active, loving, and serving with positive consequence in our communities.

The love of God changes lives. It changes us.

Live Truth

Contorted Relationships

Contorted: twisted back on itself.

The effects of broken relationship are obvious. It's not rocket science to detect when someone has come through any sort of abuse or rejection or felt the sting of adulterous relationships or divorce. I see the violent effects of broken relationships all around me, and, to be honest with you, I am always amazed that some of the people I work with are able to keep it together at all. The amount of violence and dysfunction in their lives is simply overwhelming at times.

However, not all brokenness in families or communities is as apparent. Through the years, I've worked with a number of kids who come from "intact" families but still seem to suffer from the same level of dysfunction as those kids who have come through abuse, divorce, etc. Having grown up in a broken family myself, I guess I carried some assumptions about families in which the mom and dad still lived under the same roof. The appearance of togetherness was, for me, coupled with the assumption of family health.

These subtle, contorted relationships often result in one of two outcomes:

1. Feeling Suffocated. In some families, members are not allowed their own individuality and are occasionally prevented from being themselves. They are expected to conform to all family norms and are prevented from "coming under the influence" of others. Often, they possess no identity except that of the group. These people often feel suffocated, suppressed, or dominated by one or both parents. Those who can, flee.

The second one is the opposite.

2. Feeling Isolated. There are many who have grown up feeling disconnected from their family, at times feeling alone in the crowd. These people long for connection and community but instead have been orphaned emotionally and lack deep, meaningful relationships with their family members. Their isolation causes many of them to simply fade away or search for community elsewhere.

Too much family or too little family.

Suffocation or isolation.

What is usually true in families is often true in communities (and particularly, in churches). I've seen the same sort of suffocation and isolation within the walls of the Christian community and have witnessed its devastating effects on the lives of people. Suffocation in families is usually the result of over-controlling parents and the use of excessive guilt, manipulation, and coercion to keep "it all together". The same can be said of suffocating churches. Leaders can be domineering and controlling, employing the tactics of shame, guilt, and manipulation to keep the flock "under their care" and conforming to standards. Often, members are denied their own individuality and giftedness because all they do has to run past the filtering eye of the leader. In addition, some churches have placed the expectation on their people that they must withdraw from friends outside the church (all in their best interest, of course).

It's insideous.

On the other hand, those who quietly suffer with loneliness and isolation within families usually lack the deep, connected, meaningful relationships with one or both parents. They simply exist as disconnected strangers in the family unit. The same thing can happen when our communities of faith are little more than a gathering of strangers. Those who long for meaningful connection with the Father also long for meaningful connection with the children of the Father. When our communities of faith are inauthentic, people can feel the same sense of disconnectedness among the Body of Christ as they do outside it. Formally or informally, the effects of shunning (exclusion) can be devastating.

It makes sense that we would see broken and contorted relationships both in and out of church. We all carry around with us our own levels of brokenness. The ones who deny that they are a bit broken are the ones that worry me the most! Those communities of faith who obsess over the appearance of togetherness and sweep the modest bits under the rug miss out on the joy of living in a sloppy community of faith that integrates the mercy of God into every relationship. I love serving at the intersection of the tangible mercy of God and the reality of the human condition.

It's the mercy of God and the love of God's people that should make our communities of faith a bit different.

To Our Irish Friends

To our Irish friends:

We enjoyed our time with you again -- long over-due but thankful for the time we've been given.

Irish friends:

Never above you.

Never beneath you.

Always beside you.

Relationship

"God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them" (1 John 4:16).

I have a feeling that our longing for community and relationship is somehow connected to being made in God's image. It makes sense that if we were designed in the image of the Father that we should have the same need, desire, and connection existent in the Trinity. It is no coincidence, then, that many of those I know who are so disconnected from community and relationship often also feel the disconnect between themselves and God.

We were made for Him. We were made for each other.

Life in broken community doesn't make any sense deep down, and maybe that is why so many of us do strange things to find community and belonging when we don't have it. That's why divorce or abandonment or broken relationships affect us to our core. I think a person's search for that needed interconnected relationship can take us down dangerous paths that only increase our isolation. Perhaps this search explains a lot of the behavior we see, both in ourselves and in others.

We were made for Him. We were made for each other.

I cannot imagine the Christian experience apart from deep, authentic relationship with others. I think we long for community as we long for God. I find little satisfaction in my Christian experience with just showing up, being handed a service, and walking out the door again. Wanting God but not wanting the bother of others is something I cannot get my head (and heart) around. We market our churches and services based on the wants of the disconnected consumer and then sit back and wonder why so many are detached and disjointed and wandering.

We were made for Him. We were made for each other.

When churches don't reflect the relationship of the Trinity and don't satisfy the hunger for deep, intimate, safe connectedness, those who are searching for it will search elsewhere. Instead of reflecting this authentic, tangible, holy community of the Trinity, we instead reflect our consuming culture as we market religious goods and services in competition with the popular culture that surrounds us. It may have worked for a while (or so we thought), but it is working no longer.

We were made for Him. We were made for each other.

Because God is present everywhere, I feel at home with the neighbor, with friends, among strangers, and at work. My wife and I have chosen to broaden the definition and boundaries of "family" to extend to those who want to share in the God-designed sense of belonging and community, and it is among these people that I feel the most safe, the most challenged, and the most vulnerable. To me, these relationships reflect community as God designed it. I can't imagine life without them.

We were made for Him. We were made for each other.

Jesus teaches us that our boundaries need to be stretched beyond the walls of our religious institutions and cultural separations to include the neighbor, the stranger, the enemy, and those in need. Our love should resemble the love the Godhead has for one another and for us. When we live in love, we live in Him.

Image

Little Kingdoms

"You know the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant..." (Jesus).

There's nothing new about the lust for power. Man has been wrestling for leverage over his fellow man since our earliest days. It always puzzles me, though, when the faith of Christ becomes a religion to be lorded over men...when those who represent Jesus attempt coercion, control, or manipulation. I've seen it at work again recently among some people I care about, and I guess that's why it is in my thoughts.

There are those who would reduce the Kingdom of God to the four walls of the church building and insist that commitment to Christ must be demonstrated by an unquestioning loyalty to "God's man". These self-imposed princes rule their own little kingdoms, confusing their words for God's word, their power for God's power. They are little men ruling little kingdoms who really believe they have the right to always be right. These leaders get along with those who say "yes" and submit to them "as to the Lord" but will always conflict with those who practice their own conscience.

In many circles, there exists a murky margin between serving God and serving leaders. Many have been guilted into the surrender of their lives and wills to those who are "over them". Shame-based ministries lock their people in a dungeon of fear, and leaders who employ shaming or controlling or manipulative tactics do great harm to those who are under their care.

Thank God for Jesus and his living demonstration of love, humility, sacrifice, and service.

The Kingdom of God is bigger than these men. Those who "have an ear to hear" know that the Kingdom of God resembles in no way the lust for power that has plagued mankind. The Church has been at it's worst when it has ruled over the lives of men and the fate of nations. It has been at it's best when men and women follow in the footsteps of Jesus in love, grace, sacrifice, and mercy for a neighbor or a nation.

Each man and woman who has an ear to hear what Christ is saying to the church is free from the need to control other people's lives and is free to love and serve in the Spirit of Christ. They are free from worry over appearances and free to surrender the dynasty of power handed to them by the traditions and carnality of men. They are free to bring the life of Christ and free to reject any tactic that would enslave another human being.

They are free to be like Jesus who "did not come to be served, but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many" (Matthew 20:28).

I highly recommend a book to those of you who might have experienced the kind of spiritual abuse that is all too prevalent in the church. "Walking Out of Spiritual Abuse" was written by Marc Dupont and is a useful tool for those who are looking to be free from toxic relationships in the church. I thank God for those men in Christian leadership who clearly demonstrated the love of God to me through their lives of sacrifice and service. They heard.